I’ve been cheating on Target.

Okay, not really cheating. More like flirting.

It’s just that Safeway can be so spontaneous, and begs my attention, and has started wooing me mercilessly with its random steals and winks at me with the coupon printouts it so graciously awards me.

Yes, I am as uncomfortable with this as you are.

Lately, Safeway has been so generous with me. I pop in there to grab some olives (almost daily, it’s my only vice) and then I will see that little yellow tag and soon the little calculator that lives in my head goes completely berserk and then the little filing cabinet in there starts stacking coupons and then I have to check the date of when these little beautiful deals expire and then I promise Safeway, in earnest, that I will be back. And then I buy my olives.

And here’s where it really starts to get interesting.

I always check out at the self check lanes. There’s a child inside who still likes to scan things and make them beep and memorize codes. The code for olives is 5445. It’s incredibly satisfying.

But I’ve noticed that the people who check out for themselves tend to leave all of the coupon printouts at the registers and they accumulate, sometimes until they reach the floor.

This can’t be happening.

So naturally I go around to each (there are 12 of them if you must know) and collect them. Shamelessly. It’s sort of like elegant dumpster diving. Okay, that is a horrible analogy.

Here’s a sample of what I got just yesterday.

It’s completely ridiculous.  A free Simply Apple Juice, 2 free Simply Grapefruit Juices, a free 2 liter bottle of Sierra Mist and a buy one, get one free Lean Pockets, which I will stack with another coupon to basically get them for free. Uh, score?

I’m seriously considering bringing  a lawn chair to Safeway and camping out at the front.

I’m starting to freak myself out. My apologies.

Here’s another little example. Guess how much I paid for these?

4 bucks. Yep. Now I just need a thousand pounds of port wine cheese and it’s pretty much Christmas.

Here’s why.

If you buy 5, you get them for $1 a piece. I had a $1 off 2. I was actually annoyed with myself because I didn’t bring 2 of these coupons. I’m slipping.

Here’s another little beauty.

Clementines. Yum. Great price.

Here’s one that could be considered child abuse.

Banquet chicken strips. Or whatever they pretend to be. They sure aren’t chicken. But Tucker couldn’t care less. Just dip em in bbq sauce and inhale. These were $1.99, normally almost $5. I can buy 2 real live chickens for that, I think. I’ve always wanted to raise chickens.

Yeah.

Speaking of chicken, I went to Chik fil A today. Heavenly, I tell you.

But there’s something truly incredible that happened. My receipt printed out and it had a survey on the bottom. If I participate, I get a free sandwich. Simple as that. So of course I squealed like a little girl. And that reminded the Chik fil A window dude that they are having a receipt day Dec. 22. What this means is that whatever you buy that day, keep the receipt and anytime in 2011 you can show that receipt and get the exact same thing for free. Could be $500 or $3. Doesn’t matter. It will be free.

So I wept. And then I apologized to Taylor for having to witness this. And then I remembered that Chik fil A is introducing a spicy biscuit breakfast sandwich and you can reserve a free one on Monday, Dec. 27.  By now I’m holding up the line. But you can’t drive while sobbing.

Good thing Tay has her permit.

Here are few deals for this week.

Better Oats buy one get one free

Special K buy one get one free – register for the challenge

50% off carry out orders at Domino’s

Free Aveda samples

Lots of free full size bottles of Excedrin – just click on health when you get to coupons.com. And while you’re there, browse around and have your mind blown.

80% off Restaurant.com gift certificates, code is PRESENT. You can also be giving away 40 $10 gift certificates for FREE everyday until Dec. 31th. It’s called the Feed it Forward program. It is an amazing way to gift those people in your life who have everything.

Free Bath and Body Works lotion, no purchase necessary.

And you’re pretty much crazy if you don’t friend my gypsy jules facebook. Frankly, I don’t know how you sleep at night.

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