Archive for September, 2011

Prized Possessions

I went to the thrift store the other day and I left with tears in my eyes.

We’ll get back to that.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that we move a lot and in our last move we purged ourselves of anything that wasn’t meaningful or useful. And by meaningful, I mean it has real meaning, like marriage certificates and pictures and family recipes.

By the way, I never changed my last name with Social Security. So as far as the government is concerned, I’m still Julie Walters.

It’s a moving around a lot thing. You wouldn’t understand.

So anyway, I kept about 7 things that I could not live without.

Besides the kids and the dog and my spouse.

Is he still my spouse if I never told the government?

Oh well. I kept the father of my children.

Each of these things has significant meaning to me. Each of these things has a connection to my childhood. And then, I suppose, to my parents and my grandparents and probably their parents.

One of them you already know about because I told you about it here. It’s never leaving my possession. I’m taking it to Heaven with me.

Another is this chicken.Frankly, I have no real recollection of seeing one of these in my grandma’s house while growing up, but when I saw it I knew I had seen it before, and  I was with my Mom and my sister and my sister -in-law, and we all bought one, so if nothing else, it’s a new bond with an old twist. I fill mine with chocolate eggs through the Spring and candy corn during the Fall.

Get it?

The next one is my cabbage bowl. My Walters grandparents always had one of these filled with candy at their house. Except for that one time when I came home from college and it was filled with receipts.

I solemnly swear to never do that to another human being.

Beside her is a picture of my super cute and sassy Grandma King. She’s 90 or so. And if  you look really closely, she’s standing next to a cabbage that looks like it’s from the Promised Land.

Different grandma, same cabbage thing.

I don’t plan these things, people. They just happen.

And now just look at this guy.

I mean really.

He belonged to Edna when Brad was a little dude. She gave it to her sister to keep in Tulsa, and then I went to visit one day a few years ago and I saw him and I told Edna if she ever went back to Tulsa and came home without him, she wasn’t to speak to me.

She went to Tulsa and brought him back to me in a large insulated freezer bag.

I will never let him go.

And now I need to show you what I found at the Thrift Store.


I know. Who cares?

I do.

They’re old. They nest. And they remind me of home.

My mom’s were a faded turquoise color with a different pattern, but they have the same texture and handles and make me weep.

So I brought them home with me to live forever, unless Jesus needs me to mix batter.

I know that’s only 6.

That’s because the last one is waiting for another day, where she can shine.

Now it’s time for me to take the brownies out of the oven. My sister- in- law talked me into making them only with black beans. I think they smell a little funny, but they taste magnificent.

Go figure.



Today, my gorgeous firstborn child turns 18.

She’s very excited because she can now legally order a midget online if she wants to.

Nothing she ever does surprises me.

She almost talked me into matching tattoos after she had polled every employee at Rio Grande. I’m glad we were both broke.

We got her a bike for her birthday.

Okay, technically we found a bike and put a basket on it.

Not really.

Okay, that is totally what happened.

When we moved into this place, there was a bevy of bikes parked in the bike rack.

There was also a very strange man living in Apt. 2 named Jerry who had a dog who liked to relieve itself on everyone’s doorsteps. It once wandered into my house and took a leak on my floor. So I killed it.

Anyway, Jerry is an excellent source of information. I’d talk to him while he was hosing down everyone’s front porches. At least I’d try to. He would start to answer a question and then yell, “I don’t have time for this!”

I exaggerate not.

Then in a fit of rage he’d start screeching about how there were abandoned bikes in our bike rack and someone needs to get them out of here but first they needed to call the Police to see if they were stolen and then he would disappear back into his house and shut his blinds.

Jerry moved to New York.

I miss him.

Anyway, that is how Taylor’s bike came to be. We got her a new seat and filled up the tires. It’s in incredible shape.

Of course she had to publicly torture me by standing in the courtyard and asking (her voice is like a megaphone) how on earth an abandoned bike is a birthday present. I totally heard one of my neighbors giggle.

She has a point.

She also has a bike with a basket and a bell.

And free room and board. So shut it.

Now I have to tell you about the weird things that happened today.

1. I woke up with a uncontrollable desire to run the stairs at the high school stadium. Like the old days. When I could actually make it up the stairs. I’m going back tomorrow and I might even throw in a lap around the track. Like the old days. I think it’s because we can see the lights and hear the football game announced and the marching band on Friday nights. Or it could be that I want my butt back.

2. On my way to the stadium, I saw a plastic bag right in the middle of the path. I was going to pick it up and move it, but it moved first. There was a damaged pigeon in there. I took her to the animal hospital across the street from us. Yes, we have a vet across the street. It is weird to hand a bag with a bird in it to a receptionist.  This is officially the third time I’ve taken a bird to the hospital. It is my calling.

3. I did my hair.

4. My neighbors noticed.

5. Brad went to a meeting this afternoon with an advertising team for Ron Zacapa rum. Who does that?

Below is only one example of how truthful I am. This was posted by Marton, who lives in Apt. 4.

You really can trust me.


Guess what?

My face shape apparently is the first to go.


If you have a round full face, you have it made. So go eat a Swiss Cake roll.

If you have a long, thin face,  you’re doomed.

So go eat tequila.

I’ve decided to be a man.

Men get to age and age and age and they get hotter and hotter.

That’s the theory, anyway.

No weird changes or anything. Chaz gives me the heebies.

I’m just saying that I’m a dude.

And dudes can be sarcastic at all times and no one says a word.

And then they laugh.

And laugh.

So I’ve decided to be Red Forman.

One part Odell, one part Karen.

If you know me, you get the mix.

Except my parents would rather eat poison than say a bad word.

Except that once. Or twice.

Mom, you know who  you are.



We have been living downtown for over a month and my life has become completely different than the mind numbing existence I was enduring under the Mayor’s reign.

I drove by there the other day and looked through his windows.

No, I really did.

It was incredibly liberating.

I didn’t see anything other than the new hardwood floors he installed in his house with our entire way too large for his crappy house deposit he kept.

Then I left.

Because what I was doing is illegal.

Anyway, I love this new place. I have 6 other apartments full of people I get to spy on, and I have a balcony and a set or two of binoculars.

I did not take any binoculars to the Mayor’s house.

And wait till I tell you about the other people in this place.

I have stories.

But you’ll have to wait, because I never got a chance to show you our place because my stupid head computer is all cranky and won’t share.

It’s a 4 bedroom condo. That’s what Brad calls it. I call it an apartment. Because it is an apartment in a complex with other apartments.

Anyway, everyone has a sink and a walk in closet and a linen closet in their room. We share Jack and Jill baths between the 2 rooms on either side of the house. Brad and I share with Taylor. It is the joy of my life.

There is a main open room with a living room, dining room and kitchen.

And that is all.

But that isn’t even the best part.

Boulder High School is maybe 600 feet away. Or something like that. Which is probably impossible but it’s not like I’m going to go get a ruler and measure it. All I know is, if Tucker wants to get to school at 8:35, he leaves at 8:33. And he comes home for lunch, which has saved me approximately 45,000 dollars.

Casey Middle School is 8 blocks away. I think. I lose count of the blocks after Spruce. It takes Torrie and Max 15 minutes on foot and 6 minutes on a bike to get to school, and around 4 to get home. It’s straight downhill. You don’t even have to pedal.

It gets even better.

Our building has a few businesses in the lowest level. One of them is Art Cleaners. Guess where Taylor got a job? In our basement. Insane.

We have a door buzzer down on the street, so if you come over, you buzz the buzzer and I push a little button to open the door for you. I can’t tell you how much fun that is. It’s so Sesame Street.

The main bus transit is 2 blocks from our place.

The Farmer’s Market is in our backyard. So is the outdoor cinema. And Boulder Creek. And the amphitheater. Sometimes that part is not okay. I can see people hiking on the red rocks. Liquormart is across the street. Not that I noticed. The bank is one block away. Alfalfa’s (a whole foods type store) is 4 blocks up the street. Pearl Street Mall is 3 blocks away. I could go on. Except that’s all I can think of right now. Because Liquormart is across the street.

I’m going to show you a few pictures of some solutions we came up with to save money on furnishing this little place. Because the Mayor is walking on my deposit.

First, my couch. She is 52 years old and very tweedy and has amazing feet. And we finally have somewhere to sit. You have no idea what that means to me. And she cost $100.

The balcony was pretty industrial looking with white railings and it was very exposed. I don’t want anyone looking at my legs. We added some matchstick covering and a 2 planters that were on clearance. I think the total cost was $30. Look at that view. I mean, really.

We had an old lamp stand that lost all of its lanterns. This was probably because I have a lot of people living with me. We didn’t want to replace them, so we did this.

Fancy lightbulbs. $3.50 a piece. Neat.

Here’s what Tay did to hang her jewelry.

She wears very colorful, very large earrings. I can’t do that. That sucks.

It cost $5 at a thrift store.

I got to paint my walls Spanish Olive with paint I got mostly for free. Glidden had free samples. I may have gotten a few of them.

Dead Sexy.

Yep. I’m happy.