Guess what?

My face shape apparently is the first to go.


If you have a round full face, you have it made. So go eat a Swiss Cake roll.

If you have a long, thin face,  you’re doomed.

So go eat tequila.

I’ve decided to be a man.

Men get to age and age and age and they get hotter and hotter.

That’s the theory, anyway.

No weird changes or anything. Chaz gives me the heebies.

I’m just saying that I’m a dude.

And dudes can be sarcastic at all times and no one says a word.

And then they laugh.

And laugh.

So I’ve decided to be Red Forman.

One part Odell, one part Karen.

If you know me, you get the mix.

Except my parents would rather eat poison than say a bad word.

Except that once. Or twice.

Mom, you know who  you are.