Archive for January, 2012

Holy Moses

That has always been my favorite phrase. I’m shocked that I haven’t been struck dead. Or been parted.

So, I have an exciting life all of a sudden.

I’m working like crazy.

I get to grocery shop constantly. I need to ebay coupons for highly requested stuff. I’m dreaming about a legion of college peeps as a shopping army.

The word legion makes me think of pigs.

And Liquormart sweetly sets aside 14 papers for me every Sunday. They put a little basket on top of a bundle. A bundle is 14. Weird. Ironic that it’s set aside for  a Sober Home. Cracks me up.

By the way, Liquormart has put in a Redbox. I hugged it hard. People noticed. Stop staring, freaks.

Maybe Redbox just put themselves at Liquormart.

Who cares. Hugs.

Liquormart is across the street.

I hate the word liquor. Too many jokes from childhood. (rubber buns, anyone?) You judge me. You know you do.

Many of you have asked about my new job. I still work almost every day subbing, so my kids are panicked. They don’t like it when I leave, even when they aren’t here. I tell them they’ll bloody well like it when I am able to finally take them on a vacation that doesn’t require sleeping bags and stars. Because I’m British in my head. My accent sucks.  Unless I have liquor.

What?

They’ll get super used to it. Because I’m going back to school to get my teaching certification for CO. I hope to teach full time soon.

Unless before then I start a full time shopping/coupon business.

My original dream is already in the works. I’m in the perfect situation to capitalize on this recession. Yeah, I said capitalize. Because I’m smart. Duh.

I can make a living at saving people money.

In other words, the race is on.

Either way, I win.

Side note:

1.My kids are amazing actors.

2. I’m getting a clothesline. Which makes me giggle. And saves me 40 million dollars a year. I already  hang my clothes everywhere you can imagine. Why not in the sun?

3. My oldest daughter is dating a 24 year old. Brad is hanging out with him right now. That totally weirds me out.

4. I decided to include my beautiful and genius (and obsessed and youngest) daughter on my new website. You will like her way more than me.

5. I want to get a haircut. But I don’t want to pay. I’ve waited 7 months. Ewwww.

6. Pinterest kind of stresses me out. It’s just a new way to fail at being awesome.

7. I like owls. That’s all pinterest may ever know.

8. If I lived in the 70’s, I probably wouldn’t change much.

9. I might go sing karaoke with a new friend who blatantly said she’s not intimidated by my “professional”status. I think I may have more fun than I ever have, ever.

10. I love you.

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12

Happy New Year.

I was going to tell you 12 super weird things about myself, but that can wait.

I got a new job. It’s what they call a contractor job for a boys’ sober home. I’ve never been a contractor. And now I want to say something stupid about a hammer.

I will be cutting their food budget in half (at least), shopping for groceries, teaching the boys and staff to coupon to save money, teaching parenting  classes on how to help their young ones not spend their inheritance on mac and cheese or drugs, meeting with presidents and managers of locally owned grocery stores (which gives me a serious buzz) and stocking shelves for their youth day camps. And from the looks of things, I may volunteer to organize their kitchen. Or I may insist.

In other words, I think I’m starting a business. A consulting business on how coupons can change not only an individual’s life, but how they can transform a group home and its individuals. Welcome to dorkville.

Also, my husband got me a website for Christmas. Because he’s practically Jesus.

By the way, my Christmas break was fantastic, thanks for asking. We got the kids what they needed, and decided it was mostly experiences, since not much else will fit in our home. My favorite was Max’s Harlem Globetrotter tickets. Which happens to be on his birthday. Exactly on that day. Which means I may have killed a couple of birds. Except I only save birds.

You’re just mad you didn’t think of it.

One more thing.

A few weeks ago I lost a pretty nice retractable leash in the 90 foot snow. It happens. The snow has finally melted, till tomorrow. I found it today. Which meant I rejoiced greatly in a field.

I also found a really nice pair of Birkenstock sandals, an iPod with headphones attached, a pair of cruddy girl sandals, a sweatshirt, a pair of toddler ear muffs (I tried them on) and a chair.

The iPod didn’t work.