Long time, no see.


I want to tell you something.

Mostly to do with giving your stuff away.

Meaning the things you donate to the charities in your area.

Everything else is your problem.

Not really. Get it?

Never mind.

Just so you know, there are a few giving styles.

1. The shower: pronounced show – er.

This is the donor who brings you a box of stuff. They feel an extreme need to take each item out piece by piece and explain each. This becomes a problem when I know what a sweater or a toothpick is. It comes in handy when the item costs a fortune, and I would never know it, because it’s uglier than Satan.

Mostly, it’s toothpicks, or worse, toothpick art.

2. The dumper:

This is the donor who pretty much decided between you and the dumpster. This is the dude who waits for no one to be seen, runs in and shoves things onto the counter (zero eye contact) and then jumps into the get away car. And then I haul their nasty doodoo immediately to the trash so no one gets scabies.

3. The Hoverer.

They want to wait and watch. No dice. ┬áCause it’s gonna be fine. It’s your freaking rejects.

4. The I Need My Box Back’s:

REALLYYYYYY! You just delivered 7 boxes of records and you want me to give you back 7 boxes in that exact size? And honestly, your boxes full of records are covered with spiderwebs and more scabies.

Again. No dice.

Take 14 small ones.

5. The Dirties:

We politely refuse your less than stellar undies, and whatever else could possibly be in that pocket.

6. The Nervousers.

We won’t speak of this to anyone. Except the Police.

7. The Washers.

We bless you.

8. The Rich Ones.

Keep em coming!!

9. The Homeless.

They get anything we give away. Or I might just bend the rules. Sue me.

10. The Bedazzlers.

Please. Stop.

11. The Ultra Rich.

May I hold the door for you?

12. The Small Toy Donor.

Throw. Them. Away.

13. The Regulars.

We adore you. Especially when you’re a washer.

You would be surprised how much stuff comes through a donation center. And how much work it is to rifle through it.

I am quite literally guilty of so much of this. I repent. I’ve truly learned how to donate through my awesome job.

Just spreading the word that we are here to benefit animals in crisis. And the more organized the donations are, the better.

And no, I ‘m not a loser.

I’m a Saint. Deal.